Pictures of babies usually makes people go “awwww!”
Presumably because it fills them with a warm and fuzzy giddiness.
The same kind I have instead associated with dogs and puppies (especially Bub).
As a kid, I didn’t want to play with dolls.
Why the hell would anyone want to play with a baby?!
As far as I could tell, babies only did three different things. They could cry, sleep and shit themselves.
Seriously, didn’t kids with siblings already have a real-life version of that?!
To this day, I completely fail to understand the appeal.
Myself? I had a giant suitcase of Barbies to play with instead.
Barbies were glamorous and grown-up, which I enjoyed envisioning myself as when I was a kid. I wanted to be a gorgeous girl like her, with lots of clothes and a killer pink limousine!
As a teenager, I was equally as uninterested in babysitting any of my younger cousins.
Well, fast-forward to being an adult, and not much has changed when it comes to my feelings about babies and kids.
I’ll be thirty years old in less than a year and I still don’t have any of my own (unless you’re enlightened enough to count Bub, which you should be).
On that note, let’s countdown the top ten reasons why I don’t want kids.
#10: No Interest Whatsoever
Similar to the subject of cooking, I just don’t have any interest in children or raising them.
Would it be cool to know how to make a recipe or two?
But not cool enough to make the process of learning them feel worth it to me.
#9: The Adoption Argument
You hear this one ALL the time in the context of animals and pets.
Why pay hundreds or thousands of dollars to buy a dog from a breeder, when so many rescue animals are sitting in shelters waiting to be adopted or put down?
Considering I’d do best with kids over the age of eight or nine, adoption makes more sense.
And no way will I be allowed to adopt a human child in this lifetime (thank the Gods)!
#8: Potential for Tragedy
Look, I don’t know about you, but…the thought of having a child who is diagnosed with cancer at the age of four years old doesn’t exactly sound like a scenario I could survive.
Know what I’m saying?
There are just too many ways for things to go horribly wrong, most of which are totally outside of our control.
#7: Leaving a Legacy
Children are often thought of as someone’s legacy.
Some living abstraction of that person and the new one they created, which will carry the parent’s genes into the future.
I guess that’s cool and all, but I can think of better things to leave behind.
I will become immortal through the words I write, the stories I send out into the world. I’ll be kept alive each time a stranger reads them for the first time.
You, on the other hand, will likely be forgotten by your own family after a generation or two.
#6: I Just DON’T Like Them
There are some things in life that I kind of just hate.
Country music, sports and kids, to name a few.
You might think that’s awful, but my idea of awful is seeing the exasperation of some poor woman on the bus who can’t seem to console her screaming toddler.
I’ve never envied one.
#5: Fucked Up Parents
Although I was fortunate enough to be raised by two wonderful grandparents, my biological parents happen to be two of the biggest pieces of human trash on the planet.
Suffice to say, I know firsthand how lovely life can be when both of the assholes who gave it to you are worthless, selfish, abusive breeds of scum.
Even worse is the inevitable realization that they probably only intended to cause a fraction of all the misery they are responsible for.
No. Thank. You.
#4: Disgusted by Pregnancy
Trust me when I say, it’s NOT just the thought of pregnancy that disgusts me.
With six abortions under my belt (pun intended), I think it’s safe to say that I’ve given the whole thing its due.
NOT willing to earn any new stretch marks or destroy my vagina for the sake of having kids, sorry.
#3: Worst Demographics EVER
I mean this in the most literal sense possible.
I am unemployed, uneducated, unstable.
Addicted to drugs.
Poor credit, no bank account, no savings. Not a fucking dollar to my name!
No career, no degree, no employment or rental history.
No fucks given about the future, frankly.
#2: Finding ‘Mr. Right’
How do I say this?
Guys who want to ‘start a family’ aren’t really my type.
I’m attracted to people more like myself, who live in a confusing chaos somewhere between adolesence and adulthood.
Some women don’t concern themselves much over who the father of their baby is, or whether he will be around to help raise them.
I am NOT one of those women.
#1: Lack of Consent
Most importantly, I do not want children because the world has mostly been a disappointment and I will not force someone into it without their permission.
The fact is, no one is asked if they want to be born.
I often envision being asked, then given a momentary glimpse of life before having to decide.
I would have taken a pass, personally.