My Favorite Movies From 2016

My Favorite Movies From 2016

After getting arrested the day after Christmas, I’ve spent a lot of time laying low and avoiding arrest. I know it’s inevitable, but I’m not in any rush to be locked up in some awful cell full of cackling broads who never shut up.

Since my car ended up stranded down at the coast where my parents live for the first couple months of the year, I basically spent most of that time sleeping and watching movies.

I even managed to make myself get up and go to the theater a few times.

I don’t know if it was just me, but it sure seemed like 2016 was a good year for movies. Rather than writing an entire blog post for each of my favorites, I decided to just compile a short list of my top picks of the year.

Hidden Figures

I tend to fall instantly in love with movies about strong women who overcome huge obstacles and adversity on their quests to accomplish great things.

Which is why Million Dollar Baby is one of my absolute all time favorite movies.

We often see the stories of men and their achievements made into films, and I’m glad to see that more are now being made to tell the equally as amazing stories of women throughout history as well.

Hidden Figures introduced me to three very special women who I knew almost nothing about before going to see it in the theater.

I feel like it portrayed their struggles as female pioneers in the field of science in a very real and down-to-earth way. It managed to effectively capture just how challenging it is to be the smartest person in the room who also happens to be female.

Don’t shrug this off or dismiss it just because you are a guy, either.

Often their battles are fought in silence, they know that they are fortunate to have made it as far as they have at NASA and they don’t want to push their luck.

I also have a soft spot for stories about marginalized groups of people, and I was glad to see the theater as packed as it was for the showing I attended.

Don’t shrug this off or dismiss it just because you are a guy, either.

This is an important film for everyone to see.

In fact, Kevin Costner’s performance offers a very inspiring example of how to stand up for women in the workplace and become an advocate of feminism and equality.

Hacksaw Ridge

When I hear the term “conscientious objector,” I think of men who opposed war and resisted the draft during Vietnam.

It’s a concept I can relate to, as I would feel the same way.

However, I never would have guessed that any of these men would have been awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor.

How the hell does that happen?

Typically speaking, I wouldn’t exactly call myself a big fan of war movies.

However, I suppose it makes sense that I thoroughly loved Hacksaw Ridge considering that Mel Gibson directed one of my other favorite movies about war.

Braveheart, of course.

But Hacksaw Ridge is better, in my opinion.

Yes, it’s about the Vietnam War and to say it includes a lot of violence would be an understatement.

Anyone who has seen Gibson’s Passion of the Christ will already understand the level of physical brutality that can be expected.

But this true story of a man who went to war as a medic and without so much as a gun to protect himself from the enemy, was deeply moving.

Particularly since he is greeted by animosity at every turn throughout his journey. Not just from the enemy, but more often from his own side.

Nevertheless, he is determined to avoid compromising his beliefs and seems driven by an unshakable kind of faith that makes me almost envious.

Zootopia

I really wasn’t sure what to expect when I sat down to watch Zootopia. I hadn’t heard much about it, just knew there was a lot of buzz surrounding it.

But that’s typical for anything Disney, right?

For the record, I’m a hardcore Disney fan and I have been since I was a kid.

But make no mistake! Zootopia is JUST as much for adults as it is for children, in my opinion.

Not only did it turn me into a creepy weirdo who now has a huge crush on a fucking animated fox, but it made me laugh more than any movie has in a long time too.

Zootopia is JUST as much for adults as it is for children

Would you believe me if I told you a Disney movie includes a blatant reference to Breaking Bad?

Yeah, I would have called bullshit on that too.

But we would have been wrong!

If you are like me, then you’re probably a compassionate person who cares about equality and social progress.

But maybe you shake your head a bit over college kids who are offended by every joke they hear and hide in “safe spaces” to avoid the real world.

If so, you will LOVE Zootopia.

It mocks the level of insanity we’ve reached in modern society perfectly while cleverly weaving it into something safe for all ages.

Deadpool

I also wouldn’t necessarily call myself a big fan of movies based on comic books. Which makes sense, since I was never a fan of comic books themselves!

But there is the rare exception when it comes to movies.

I liked the very first X-Men movie. Of course, that seems like it was a fucking long time ago now. Because I guess it was.

Since then, there have been so many of them that it feels like things are just getting stupid, at least to me.

Add him to my list of fictional crushes before I forget, please.

Aaaand then I watched Deadpool.

While comic book movies aren’t usually my favorite, I’m a sucker for anything with good action.

In fact, good action combined with a compelling revenge story is my absolute favorite.

This is why Kill Bill Volumes 1 & 2 are among my all time favorites.

So as soon as Ryan Reynold’s started talking in the opening scene of Deadpool, I was sold.

Add him to my list of fictional crushes before I forget, please.

I guess it’s probably his manic, fast-paced and profanity-laden style of narrating the story. Or perhaps his consistent sarcasm and self-deprecating sense of humor.

Then again, it might have been how secure he seems when it comes to his sexuality…and by that, I mean how ambiguous it manages to remain.

Okay, so it’s EVERYTHING about him that I loved.

Yeah, that’s what I meant.

Manchester by the Sea

All I can say is “WOW!”

I saved Manchester by the Sea for the end of this list, since it may very well be my favorite of the bunch.

This might be the closest thing to the male equivalent of your standard “chick flick” drama. You know, sort of like a Terms of Endearment for dudes (but a much better movie, in my opinion).

I have to say, the first half of the movie is kind of surreal. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a film that captures the awkwardness of everday life the way this one does.

Not to mention, I can’t remember the last time I laughed AND cried so much within the same two hours, while watching movies or doing anything else.

This movie deals with a lot of tough situations and you’ll want to have a box of Kleenex nearby, trust me.

I think it’s safe to say that this role will be the one Casey Affleck is remembered for. And for good reason.

So which movies from 2016 are your favorites? Which ones do I need to watch that I haven’t seen yet? Share in the comments.

16 Reasons Why Being a 90s Kid Was Awesome

Since I’m the only living 90s kid who doesn’t currently write shit for fucking Buzzfeed, I figured I had better make my own list of childhood nostalgia in their characteristically lazy and sparse style.

I feel like I should add a disclaimer making it clear that I am in no way certain of whether I actually thought growing up in the 90s was as spectacular as I make it sound, or if I just hate being an adult so much that it seems that way.

Hopefully that grain of salt is big enough to keep you from falling head first into this toilet of a list post.

Enjoy.

The Disney Renaissance

The greatest animated films ever made by Disney came out during my childhood.

Younger generations are lucky since they can appreciate them after the fact, but I lived through it, motherfucker.

Might not seem important to you, but like…I literally knew nothing else as a child.

I just grew up with the absolute best without even realizing how awesome it was.

Gel Pens

Hell yes.

You have absolutely NOT forgotten how important it was for you to have a brand new set of these before the school year started, am I right?

Lisa Fucking Frank

981583c6c7ba3a6e4a7e5d755e69c6d0You know exactly what I’m talking about.

You had the folders, the notebooks, the planners, the posters.

The whole shebang.

Enough said.

 The Pink Barbie Corvette

 

Cruising up and down your driveway until you had to recharge the batteries.

You were a pimp then, you’re a pimp now!

Barbies

 

Sure, technically barbies have been around a lot longer than since the 90s.

But we all know that it was the best decade for barbies, so don’t try to deny it.

Dunkaroos

 

These were sooo good and I have no idea why they stopped making them.

They were like little cookies you dipped into a perfect, gritty frosting.

Jelly Shoes

 

They broke all the time and they literally murdered your feet, but seriously?

They were sparkly and oh so awesome.

Fluffy Pens

 

Okay, so maybe Clueless was responsible for starting this whole thing.

In case you hadn’t noticed, pens were taken pretty seriously in the 90s.

And what better way to say serious than adding some pink fluff?

Polly Pocket

 

No one could compete with Barbie, but there was just something ridiculously delightful about the sheer tininess of Polly Pocket and her little collectible worlds.

Disney Everything

d2099352cbbf067a7b62b51ff8d26144I tried to tell you what a big deal this was!

We’re talking the lunchbox, the sheets and comforter with pillowcases, wall decals, birthday cakes, shoes, clothes, cups and dishes, backpacks, hair accessories and we’ve only scratched the surface.

Glitter

 

It was everywhere and in absolutely everything.

There isn’t a single 90s lip gloss or other cosmetic that does not contain absurd amounts of fucking glitter.

What can I say, it was a motherfuckin’ sparkly decade.

Squeeze Its

 

These need no introduction.

Why oh why did they even stop making these fucking things?

The Kool-Aid knockoffs just don’t cut it.

Being a Campfire Girl

418d5f1ae9dd5fd78594fd9ea3dd2aa6

Screw the Girl Scouts. I was a Campfire Girl, bitches!

It was co-ed and way cooler.

I had a vest with all the damn badges, I think it’s still somewhere in my boxes at my parent’s house.

But for the most part, all I remember is meeting once a week after school at our leader’s house and doing fun stuff.

Bunk Beds With a Slide

 

Mine looked cooler and not as boring.

The slide was bright red and seemed bigger than this one looks in the photo.

Anyhow, it was awesome and I miss sliding down it in the morning back when I used to actually get out of bed each day.

Free AOL Discs

AHE3H8 A collection of AOL cd roms

 

This one will be lost on anyone younger than me, but back in the day we did not have smartphones with unlimited data plans.

In fact, we didn’t even have any kind of data plan on our old ass flip cell phones with the antennas you still had to pull out to get reception.

Hence, the AOL free trial discs were actually pretty handy.

They weren’t kidding about 1000+ hours free either. Every time my mom used to call to cancel the trial before they started billing us, they just extended the free trial another month or longer.

They obviously didn’t give two fucks.

This was back in the dark ages of dial-up internet, but with one of these silly discs you could literally pop it into any PC and setup a new trial account and get online in a few minutes (if you were willing to tie up your landline, that is).

So it’s probably good that they were literally fucking EVERYWHERE.

They handed these things out like they were napkins or something. They basically put little containers of them on the counter at like every business ever and invited you to just take them, so there was no shortage when you needed one.

The Motherfuckin’ Spice Girls

 

Boy bands are for pussies and queers.

Two words for you fags: GIRL POWER!

Embarrassing fact: SpiceWorld is the only VHS tape I ever watched enough times to warp and I had to buy a new copy to replace my first one.

Stop Feeling Ashamed and Let it Go

So, before we get started a word of advice to any poor souls that have somehow managed to avoid seeing Disney’s Frozen thus far: GO WATCH IT NOW!

And by advice, I mean it is a non-negotiable requirement that you go watch it immediately.

Stop reading this and go watch the fucking movie or I can’t be friends with you anymore, I’m sorry.

I like you. I want us to be friends.

So please go watch it and you can thank me later.

Okay, now that we got that out of the way…

Why Elsa is Awesome

let it go

Okay, so I get it that Anna is an important character in this story too and everything because she’s all supportive of her sister and willing to help or whatever.

Side note to anyone not familiar with the real world: this usually doesn’t happen.

Most of the time, you won’t have the support of family or friends when it comes to being the person you truly want to be. If you DO, consider yourself very lucky.

However, most of us will not have an Anna or her calm understanding and acceptance of whatever sets us apart from other people in general. So it’s best not to plan for it.

But in my opinion, Elsa is the interesting and significant one in this fairy tale.

Right from birth, she is not like other people because she has magical powers that she struggles to conceal and control until all hell freezes over.

😉

Concerned about the potential dangers associated with having said powers, her parents encourage her to hide the magic and try to help her get a handle on things so she doesn’t accidentally start the next ice age.

But what I love about Elsa is that she represents everyone who is somehow different than those around them.

The ice magic is just a symbolic place holder for any label describing a marginalized group of people.

Maybe it’s her sexuality. Or a drug addiction. Her chosen lifestyle.

Doesn’t matter. It is all of these things and more.

What matters here is that there is something about her that others fear, fail to understand and shun because it is unfamiliar.

No Victims Here

Also important to note is that Elsa is NOT a victim in this story.

She isn’t some perfect saint that is being persecuted for no good reason by a kingdom full of lunatics.

On the contrary, her powers prove greater than even she had ever realized and the consequences are drastic.

She doesn’t know how to fully control the magical powers that seem so strongly bound to her volatile emotions.

Sometimes she accomplishes what she wants with them, but at others she is at their mercy and along for the ride.

When Anna visits her in the ice castle and tries to reassure her that everything will be okay and offers her support, Elsa tells her to go away and stay away for her own safety.

More than once, she accidentally allows her emotions to overcome her and the resulting magic puts her sister in danger.

She’s not a saint, nor is she perfect.

She is more complicated than most fairy tale heroins and even most villains too.

Let it Go is Fucking Epic

 

And I do mean E.P.I.C.

If you thought Ariel made you want to be Part of That World, think again.

If Cinderella thought she had schooled you on how A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes, she’ll be beating herself like a red-headed stepsister here soon.

If you don’t believe me, you can even ask Pocahontas if all those Colors of the Wind are still looking as bright and bold?

 

This song is pure self-empowerment and requires a lung capacity I will never fucking have, sadly.

It’s about celebrating yourself and accepting who you are.

It’s also about saying “fuck off” to everyone who doesn’t “get you.”

It’s about coming to appreciate and enjoy your solitude.

It’s about reinventing yourself, starting over from scratch.

Just fucking listen to the damn song and for fuck’s sake, watch the fucking movie please before I have to break up with you forever.