Since I’m the only living 90s kid who doesn’t currently write shit for fucking Buzzfeed, I figured I had better make my own list of childhood nostalgia in their characteristically lazy and sparse style.
I feel like I should add a disclaimer making it clear that I am in no way certain of whether I actually thought growing up in the 90s was as spectacular as I make it sound, or if I just hate being an adult so much that it seems that way.
Hopefully that grain of salt is big enough to keep you from falling head first into this toilet of a list post.
The Disney Renaissance
The greatest animated films ever made by Disney came out during my childhood.
Younger generations are lucky since they can appreciate them after the fact, but I lived through it, motherfucker.
Might not seem important to you, but like…I literally knew nothing else as a child.
I just grew up with the absolute best without even realizing how awesome it was.
You have absolutely NOT forgotten how important it was for you to have a brand new set of these before the school year started, am I right?
Lisa Fucking Frank
You had the folders, the notebooks, the planners, the posters.
The whole shebang.
The Pink Barbie Corvette
Cruising up and down your driveway until you had to recharge the batteries.
You were a pimp then, you’re a pimp now!
Sure, technically barbies have been around a lot longer than since the 90s.
But we all know that it was the best decade for barbies, so don’t try to deny it.
These were sooo good and I have no idea why they stopped making them.
They were like little cookies you dipped into a perfect, gritty frosting.
They broke all the time and they literally murdered your feet, but seriously?
They were sparkly and oh so awesome.
Okay, so maybe Clueless was responsible for starting this whole thing.
In case you hadn’t noticed, pens were taken pretty seriously in the 90s.
And what better way to say serious than adding some pink fluff?
No one could compete with Barbie, but there was just something ridiculously delightful about the sheer tininess of Polly Pocket and her little collectible worlds.
We’re talking the lunchbox, the sheets and comforter with pillowcases, wall decals, birthday cakes, shoes, clothes, cups and dishes, backpacks, hair accessories and we’ve only scratched the surface.
It was everywhere and in absolutely everything.
There isn’t a single 90s lip gloss or other cosmetic that does not contain absurd amounts of fucking glitter.
What can I say, it was a motherfuckin’ sparkly decade.
These need no introduction.
Why oh why did they even stop making these fucking things?
The Kool-Aid knockoffs just don’t cut it.
Being a Campfire Girl
Screw the Girl Scouts. I was a Campfire Girl, bitches!
It was co-ed and way cooler.
I had a vest with all the damn badges, I think it’s still somewhere in my boxes at my parent’s house.
But for the most part, all I remember is meeting once a week after school at our leader’s house and doing fun stuff.
Bunk Beds With a Slide
Mine looked cooler and not as boring.
The slide was bright red and seemed bigger than this one looks in the photo.
Anyhow, it was awesome and I miss sliding down it in the morning back when I used to actually get out of bed each day.
Free AOL Discs
This one will be lost on anyone younger than me, but back in the day we did not have smartphones with unlimited data plans.
In fact, we didn’t even have any kind of data plan on our old ass flip cell phones with the antennas you still had to pull out to get reception.
Hence, the AOL free trial discs were actually pretty handy.
They weren’t kidding about 1000+ hours free either. Every time my mom used to call to cancel the trial before they started billing us, they just extended the free trial another month or longer.
They obviously didn’t give two fucks.
This was back in the dark ages of dial-up internet, but with one of these silly discs you could literally pop it into any PC and setup a new trial account and get online in a few minutes (if you were willing to tie up your landline, that is).
So it’s probably good that they were literally fucking EVERYWHERE.
They handed these things out like they were napkins or something. They basically put little containers of them on the counter at like every business ever and invited you to just take them, so there was no shortage when you needed one.
The Motherfuckin’ Spice Girls
Boy bands are for pussies and queers.
Two words for you fags: GIRL POWER!
Embarrassing fact: SpiceWorld is the only VHS tape I ever watched enough times to warp and I had to buy a new copy to replace my first one.