The Difference Between Opinions & Judgments

What is the difference between an opinion and a judgement?

According to the dictionary, not much.

In fact, the Google results suggest that the two terms are synonymous.

However, I disagree.

I believe there is a subtle difference which has great significance.

In response to the current political climate, I’ve done a lot of reflecting on what makes opinions different than judgements.

Opinions Are Personal

Opinions seek to govern our own lives in whatever arbitrary ways we prefer things

The way I see things, an opinion is something personal.

Opinions seek to govern our own lives in whatever arbitrary ways we prefer things.

For example, I don’t like kids.

Since I don’t care for children, I choose not to have any of them.

Makes sense, right?

I picked this particular opinion of mine for a reason.

Recently, I discovered a private Facebook group called “Childfree Chicks Confidential” and thought I might fit in, so I made a request to join.

It’s not often I meet anyone in person who has never had any kids of their own, so I thought the idea of joining a fairly large online community (group has over 6,000 members) sounded pretty cool.

And at first, it kind of was.

I posted a couple of memes I created which hadn’t been very popular on my own Facebook timeline, like this one:

I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I figured a joke like this one would be welcome in a group of other women who had decided not to have kids.

It was not only welcome, it ended up getting hundreds of likes and the volume of comments it received was almost too high for me to keep up with.

Needless to say, I had to turn off notifications for it after several hours. For the sake of sanity, that is.

When Opinions Turn Into Bashing

The more time I spent in this group, the more I started to notice how the overwhelming majority of women there used terms like “crotch goblins” and “breeders” to refer to kids and the people who have them.

Now…I don’t have a problem with making jokes like that.

If they are actually jokes.

I don’t understand people who get offended by jokes. The whole point of a joke is that it’s not a serious statement.

That’s why a joke can use racism, stereotypes, sexism or anything else that would otherwise be offensive.

Most of my jokes would make me upset if they were said seriously.

But the more posts I read in this group, the clearer it became that these women were not joking.

I began to sense their hostility towards anyone and everyone with children after a while, and I started to dislike the group because of it.

I mean, it’s listed as a “support group” and I imagine that the whole purpose of creating such a community is to talk about shared struggles and all of that.

So…if a bunch of women feel ostracized because of being childfree, doesn’t that mean they are doing the same exact thing that other people do to them when they start actively bashing on people who have kids?

Personally, I’d like to live in a world where people are treated with respect and we can appreciate our differences.

I have immense respect for my friends who happen to be loving parents. They have taken on a huge responsibility in life that I can’t even imagine taking on myself, so I commend them for all the hard work that goes into raising children.

I see nothing to be gained by tearing them down or trying to turn it into an “us against them” bunch of bullshit.

When I shared these thoughts in the group, the overwhelmingly negative responses I got were enough to sour the group completley for me.

I decided to leave.

Judgements Are Reserved for Others

Judgements seek to govern the lives of others, rather than our own.

Unlike opinions, which I consider personal, judgements are something we reserve for other people.

There is a reason you so often find the world “moral” right before it.

We can’t apply our judgements to ourselves because that would have to mean we did something that we believe is wrong for others to do.

Judgements seek to govern the lives of others, rather than our own.

They also seek to punish others for certain behaviors or actions.

A good universal example is an act like murder or rape.

Most people agree that such actions are morally wrong, and should therefore be punished.

Even I can say I agree with that.

I judge people who murder others just for personal satisfaction.

Here’s an example I don’t understand:

I was recently doing some research on statistics regarding attitudes towards the right to choose, and I discovered the contradiction seen above.

So, one third of all Americans who claim to be “pro-choice” are also claiming to believe that abortion is immoral?

Sorry, that doesn’t work.

It’s perfectly fine to feel like abortion is not the right choice for you to make yourself.

But how are you going to claim that you support the right of other women to have one, while simultaneously judging them as immoral if they do?

Just because you don’t choose to do it doesn’t mean you have to think less of others who do.

In fact, thinking less of them means you DON’T support their choice when it’s different from the one you make.

I mean, let’s switch the action up to better illustrate this.

Would it make sense if one third of Americans who believe murdering others is immoral also claimed to support other people’s right to do it?

No, not really.

Making The Distinction Clear

So by now, you may be wondering how we can easily keep opinions from morphing into judgements.

This isn’t difficult.

Using the same example from earlier, I recently blogged about reasons I don’t want kids.

Do I scratch my head in response to everyone who decides to pop out four or twelve kids?


I can’t imagine that, I’d probably hang myself with just one.

Do I feel the need to call them names on the internet or act all superior to them because we have a difference of opinion when it comes to kids?


I recognize that my opinions are highly personal and don’t extend beyond my own preferences.

Their choices and opinions are every bit as valid as my own.

10 Reasons Why I Don’t Want Kids

why I don't want kids

Pictures of babies usually makes people go “awwww!”

Presumably because it fills them with a warm and fuzzy giddiness.

The same kind I have instead associated with dogs and puppies (especially Bub).

As a kid, I didn’t want to play with dolls.

Why the hell would anyone want to play with a baby?!

As far as I could tell, babies only did three different things. They could cry, sleep and shit themselves.

Seriously, didn’t kids with siblings already have a real-life version of that?!

To this day, I completely fail to understand the appeal.

Myself? I had a giant suitcase of Barbies to play with instead.

Barbies were glamorous and grown-up, which I enjoyed envisioning myself as when I was a kid. I wanted to be a gorgeous girl like her, with lots of clothes and a killer pink limousine!

As a teenager, I was equally as uninterested in babysitting any of my younger cousins.

Well, fast-forward to being an adult, and not much has changed when it comes to my feelings about babies and kids.

I’ll be thirty years old in less than a year and I still don’t have any of my own (unless you’re enlightened enough to count Bub, which you should be).

On that note, let’s countdown the top ten reasons why I don’t want kids.

#10: No Interest Whatsoever

Similar to the subject of cooking, I just don’t have any interest in children or raising them.

Would it be cool to know how to make a recipe or two?


But not cool enough to make the process of learning them feel worth it to me.

#9: The Adoption Argument

You hear this one ALL the time in the context of animals and pets.

Why pay hundreds or thousands of dollars to buy a dog from a breeder, when so many rescue animals are sitting in shelters waiting to be adopted or put down?

Considering I’d do best with kids over the age of eight or nine, adoption makes more sense.

And no way will I be allowed to adopt a human child in this lifetime (thank the Gods)!

#8: Potential for Tragedy

Look, I don’t know about you, but…the thought of having a child who is diagnosed with cancer at the age of four years old doesn’t exactly sound like a scenario I could survive.

Know what I’m saying?

There are just too many ways for things to go horribly wrong, most of which are totally outside of our control.

#7: Leaving a Legacy

Children are often thought of as someone’s legacy.

Some living abstraction of that person and the new one they created, which will carry the parent’s genes into the future.

I guess that’s cool and all, but I can think of better things to leave behind.

I will become immortal through the words I write, the stories I send out into the world. I’ll be kept alive each time a stranger reads them for the first time.

You, on the other hand, will likely be forgotten by your own family after a generation or two.

#6: I Just DON’T Like Them

There are some things in life that I kind of just hate.

Country music, sports and kids, to name a few.

You might think that’s awful, but my idea of awful is seeing the exasperation of some poor woman on the bus who can’t seem to console her screaming toddler.

I’ve never envied one.

#5: Fucked Up Parents

Although I was fortunate enough to be raised by two wonderful grandparents, my biological parents happen to be two of the biggest pieces of human trash on the planet.

Suffice to say, I know firsthand how lovely life can be when both of the assholes who gave it to you are worthless, selfish, abusive breeds of scum.

Even worse is the inevitable realization that they probably only intended to cause a fraction of all the misery they are responsible for.

No. Thank. You.

#4: Disgusted by Pregnancy

Trust me when I say, it’s NOT just the thought of pregnancy that disgusts me.

With six abortions under my belt (pun intended), I think it’s safe to say that I’ve given the whole thing its due.

NOT willing to earn any new stretch marks or destroy my vagina for the sake of having kids, sorry.

#3: Worst Demographics EVER

I mean this in the most literal sense possible.

I am unemployed, uneducated, unstable.

Addicted to drugs.

Poor credit, no bank account, no savings. Not a fucking dollar to my name!

No career, no degree, no employment or rental history.

No fucks given about the future, frankly.

#2: Finding ‘Mr. Right’

How do I say this?

Guys who want to ‘start a family’ aren’t really my type.

I’m attracted to people more like myself, who live in a confusing chaos somewhere between adolesence and adulthood.

Some women don’t concern themselves much over who the father of their baby is, or whether he will be around to help raise them.

I am NOT one of those women.

#1: Lack of Consent

Most importantly, I do not want children because the world has mostly been a disappointment and I will not force someone into it without their permission.

The fact is, no one is asked if they want to be born.

I often envision being asked, then given a momentary glimpse of life before having to decide.

I would have taken a pass, personally.

A List of Reasons to Hate Me

  1. I’m a feminist, so suck on that
  2. If I were a guy, I’d be gay
  3. I laugh at jokes that are racist, sexist and otherwise offensive…because, you know, they are JOKES
  4. If I ever stop eating meat, it will be because I’m traumatized by occasionally coming across fat or gristle and not for ethical reasons
  5. I smoke cigarettes and no amount of shaming will ever change the fact that I find smokers sort of sexy
  6. I don’t give a fuck about the environment, global warming, recycling or living fucking “green”
  7. I’m fat and I’m fine with it
  8. There’s a good chance I’m still better looking than you anyway (and even if not, the fact that I say and think that should be more than enough to earn some hate from a few people, am I right?)
  9. I’m that insufferable asshole who passes you and everyone else sitting in traffic on the freeway by driving in the emergency lane…suckers!
  10. Because I can fit this many hot dogs in my mouth at oncehot-dogs
  11. Remember that awful time that your boyfriend cheated on you while you were pregnant? I was THAT chick.
  12. My dick is definitely WAY bigger than yours, dude…and I don’t even have one!
  13. I call myself a Hillary Clinton “supporter” even though I don’t vote
  14. I can’t stand children and avoid them whenever possible; in my mind they go from being a straight up parasite to a long-term responsibility and I can’t decide which of those is worse
  15. Of the six times I’ve been knocked up, only one of those times did I have any idea who had done the knocking up
  16. I terminated all six pregnancies without a single shred of remorse
  17. Disney’s Frozen is among my favorite movies and if you don’t feel the same, I’m afraid I’ll have to Let It Go because we can’t be friends
  18. I was a HUGE fan of the motherfuckin’ Spice Girls back in the 90s
  19. If that’s not enough to make you throw up, Spiceworld (as in, the movie) has the unique distinction of being the only VHS tape I’ve ever worn out
  20. In case you hadn’t noticed yet, I have a remarkably BIG fucking mouth, which is no more evident than when I devour an entire cupcake in a single bitecupcake-gone
  21. All this talk of my brilliant youth reminds me, I’m also a lazy, worthless and intolerable Millennial!
  22. If I were a Spice Girl (as I often pretended to be as a kid, along with my BFF at the time) I think they’d call me Cunt Spice
  23. I’m incapable of monogamy. Some people like to call that being a whore, which works fine for me if that makes it easier for you to understand.
  24. I don’t believe in God because I don’t believe he exists. I also don’t believe in people, but mostly because they suck and lead only to disappointment.
  25. I am almost twenty-nine years old and I still don’t know how to change a fucking flat tire or add oil to my car. I’ve been shown more times than I can count, but there is never a shortage of men around who are happy to do it for me while explaining how it works one more time.
  26. Try as they might, people simply cannot make me feel shame. Period. So before you criticize me for being some idiot because I smoke cigarettes or something, just know that I don’t plan on living long enough for it to matter or for me to give a single fuck.
  27. My cunt of a mother is nice enough to wish me a “Happy Birthday” via email and this was my response: happy-birthday-thegirlnextfloor-gmail-com-gmail
  28. One of my biggest regrets in life is NOT intentionally running into this asshole’s unoccupied car which was sitting in front of me at a stoplight because he got out of it to come yell at my window about how I couldn’t “afford to hit his car,” after accidentally cutting him off to exit the freeway. Driving uninsured and with a suspended license, I can pretty much afford to hit anyone’s car…should have done it.
  29. If you haven’t yet found yourself offended by the things that go into my mouth, I can basically guarantee you will be offended by the things which come out of it instead. If taking the most hideous, fucked up and offensive ideas and finding the right words to express them was a profitable skill, I’d basically rule the planet.fuck-you

Don’t Be Afraid to Become Who You Were Meant to Be

I’ve faced a lot of criticism in my life so far. Probably more than most people who live in my part of the world. Since as far back as I can remember, my family has basically disagreed with everything I think, say and choose to do. When I was younger, this was very frustrating.

Perhaps it had something to do with the generation gap between myself and the grandparents who raised me. Whatever the reason, I have had to live with disapproval from my entire family since I was young enough that it still made me feel pretty bad.

Drawing From Personal Experiences

If you face any kind of adversity in life from those close to you, I can’t blame you for being scared. But you shouldn’t let it stop you.

I remember in the seventh grade, we were matched up with another student and our assignment was to pick an issue to debate, whether political or social. I ended up with another girl in the class named Bianca and our issue was abortion. We were on totally opposite sides of the matter as well, I might add.

While she argued that it was morally wrong and should be illegal, I stood my ground and believed it was a woman’s body so it was still her own choice what she did with it. I know where this position originated in myself too, which was equally as important.

For as long as I could remember, I had always thought that my mother should not have had children if she was just going to abandon them and didn’t really want to bother with them. People are a big deal. They matter. It seemed to me that you should not just go around carelessly breeding when you had no intention of being a responsible parent.

In my mind at that time (and still now, to an extent) abortion seemed like the more humane thing to do than bringing someone into the world who was unwanted. Why doom someone to live their life knowing that those responsible for them had no desire to know them or care for them?

You Will Know It When You Feel It

Backing up even further, I also have a very vivid memory of watching a soap opera with my live-in nanny at around the age of seven or so. I remember that one of the female characters was pregnant and she was injured somehow, I don’t remember the details.

At some point, there was a scene where one of the male characters either had to save the life of this unborn baby by doing something, or he had to instead save the life of one of the other adult female characters in the show. I remember asking Melanie (my nanny) about it and she asked me something that really made me think, even at such a young age. 

She asked, “Who do you think he should save?”

And I answered with the name of the adult female, then followed it up with something about how the other lady could always get pregnant again and have another baby, but they couldn’t replace the other character. She already had a name and they knew who she was. That seemed more important to me.

It still does. 

You Don’t Always Grow Out Of It

I think I had a misconception that perhaps my family would better understand me as an adult. That’s hardly been the case, however. My grandparents in particular disapprove of my choice to work as an escort.

While I don’t need them to agree with how I choose to live my life, I feel like they are missing out in many ways by judging and discouraging me. Sometimes, you have to let go of people who are supposed to be important and close to you because quite frankly, they give you no other choice.

Yes, it’s kind of sad. Yes, it’s also unfortunate. 

But there is something worse that it can turn out to be if you let it.

It might be the reason you never become who you were meant to be. Personally, I have learned to thrive off of the disapproval of others, rather than let it slow me down. The more they shake their heads at me, the stronger I stand my ground. It’s become easier over the years, but it takes practice.

The Courage to Stand Alone

And I mean all alone. If you were in a room full of people who would think badly of you if you told them who you were and what you did, would you have the courage to stand up and tell them? Could you handle standing there completely alone like some sponge for their negative reactions?

No one likes to be the only one in a group of people that doesn’t fit in at all. But it’s an important skill to have and you need to be able to do it when necessary. It’s not easy. It’s pretty fucking difficult. You need to have the balls to do this. Without it, you’ll never get very far.

Most people would like to think that if a group of people was picking on someone and had singled them out, they would intervene to help the victim…right? But ask yourself honestly if you would have the courage required to do something like that?

Remember that it would be you and the victim up against a large group of people who want to attack you, either verbally or physically. You’d be scared. But you’d know it was the right thing to do. 

Just like you need to stand up for what is right to help others, you need to do it to help yourself. 

Split Personalities Are Not The Way To Go

While some people seem to have no problem living double lives, it’s not really something I can make myself do. When I first set out to market myself online as a freelance writer, I faced a unique challenge.

I could write well, but obviously my clients came from several different industries and so they required writing that catered to an equally as wide range of topics, most of which I knew little or nothing about.

Okay, so what’s the big deal? Nothing, I guess. I just did the necessary research or they gave me something similar to what they were looking for to model the writing after, which worked well enough. 

Doesn’t this work just fine? Sure. But it’s not how you take things to the next level. It’s not how you infuse your writing with passion and true firsthand experience. 

As it turns out, there is something to be said for specializing. Not only can you demand higher rates for your work, but you become an authority in whatever niche it is you know most intimately.

Speaking of intimate niches, mine has turned out to be pretty easy to guess. Since most of my experience comes from working as an escort, I have a unique perspective on adult topics of all kinds.

For the longest time, I was pretty much convinced that since it doesn’t totally fit into any existing niches (like porn, for example) that are 100% legal, I was probably out of luck when it came to finding writing opportunities where this knowledge would be useful. 

So what did I do? I tried to create two separate identities. One as a writer. The other as an escort.

Big mistake. Not the right way to become who you were meant to be.

Keep Looking Until You Find It

daveyduke_0829v201As it turns out, there are opportunities to use both my writing skills and escorting experience all in one place. A while back, I started writing regularly for about many different topics related to escorting. Not only did I approach them with confidence, but I knew I had the right knowledge and the right words to write for their site.

I actually discovered it by pure accident, in fact. Like it was just meant to be. 

Now I’m getting offers to write for other sites in the same niche. Ones I didn’t even know about. Maybe there are more out there than I had previously thought. At the end of the day, my advice is to keep looking until you find the right opportunities for the person you really are.

Not who you are trying to be. Not who others want you to be. 

Instead of all that bull shit, become who you were meant to be. Be fearless. Don’t wait around for things to work out, find a way to make them work on your own terms.