Don’t Be Afraid to Become Who You Were Meant to Be

I’ve faced a lot of criticism in my life so far. Probably more than most people who live in my part of the world. Since as far back as I can remember, my family has basically disagreed with everything I think, say and choose to do. When I was younger, this was very frustrating.

Perhaps it had something to do with the generation gap between myself and the grandparents who raised me. Whatever the reason, I have had to live with disapproval from my entire family since I was young enough that it still made me feel pretty bad.

Drawing From Personal Experiences

If you face any kind of adversity in life from those close to you, I can’t blame you for being scared. But you shouldn’t let it stop you.

I remember in the seventh grade, we were matched up with another student and our assignment was to pick an issue to debate, whether political or social. I ended up with another girl in the class named Bianca and our issue was abortion. We were on totally opposite sides of the matter as well, I might add.

While she argued that it was morally wrong and should be illegal, I stood my ground and believed it was a woman’s body so it was still her own choice what she did with it. I know where this position originated in myself too, which was equally as important.

For as long as I could remember, I had always thought that my mother should not have had children if she was just going to abandon them and didn’t really want to bother with them. People are a big deal. They matter. It seemed to me that you should not just go around carelessly breeding when you had no intention of being a responsible parent.

In my mind at that time (and still now, to an extent) abortion seemed like the more humane thing to do than bringing someone into the world who was unwanted. Why doom someone to live their life knowing that those responsible for them had no desire to know them or care for them?

You Will Know It When You Feel It

Backing up even further, I also have a very vivid memory of watching a soap opera with my live-in nanny at around the age of seven or so. I remember that one of the female characters was pregnant and she was injured somehow, I don’t remember the details.

At some point, there was a scene where one of the male characters either had to save the life of this unborn baby by doing something, or he had to instead save the life of one of the other adult female characters in the show. I remember asking Melanie (my nanny) about it and she asked me something that really made me think, even at such a young age. 

She asked, “Who do you think he should save?”

And I answered with the name of the adult female, then followed it up with something about how the other lady could always get pregnant again and have another baby, but they couldn’t replace the other character. She already had a name and they knew who she was. That seemed more important to me.

It still does. 

You Don’t Always Grow Out Of It

I think I had a misconception that perhaps my family would better understand me as an adult. That’s hardly been the case, however. My grandparents in particular disapprove of my choice to work as an escort.

While I don’t need them to agree with how I choose to live my life, I feel like they are missing out in many ways by judging and discouraging me. Sometimes, you have to let go of people who are supposed to be important and close to you because quite frankly, they give you no other choice.

Yes, it’s kind of sad. Yes, it’s also unfortunate. 

But there is something worse that it can turn out to be if you let it.

It might be the reason you never become who you were meant to be. Personally, I have learned to thrive off of the disapproval of others, rather than let it slow me down. The more they shake their heads at me, the stronger I stand my ground. It’s become easier over the years, but it takes practice.

The Courage to Stand Alone

And I mean all alone. If you were in a room full of people who would think badly of you if you told them who you were and what you did, would you have the courage to stand up and tell them? Could you handle standing there completely alone like some sponge for their negative reactions?

No one likes to be the only one in a group of people that doesn’t fit in at all. But it’s an important skill to have and you need to be able to do it when necessary. It’s not easy. It’s pretty fucking difficult. You need to have the balls to do this. Without it, you’ll never get very far.

Most people would like to think that if a group of people was picking on someone and had singled them out, they would intervene to help the victim…right? But ask yourself honestly if you would have the courage required to do something like that?

Remember that it would be you and the victim up against a large group of people who want to attack you, either verbally or physically. You’d be scared. But you’d know it was the right thing to do. 

Just like you need to stand up for what is right to help others, you need to do it to help yourself. 

Split Personalities Are Not The Way To Go

While some people seem to have no problem living double lives, it’s not really something I can make myself do. When I first set out to market myself online as a freelance writer, I faced a unique challenge.

I could write well, but obviously my clients came from several different industries and so they required writing that catered to an equally as wide range of topics, most of which I knew little or nothing about.

Okay, so what’s the big deal? Nothing, I guess. I just did the necessary research or they gave me something similar to what they were looking for to model the writing after, which worked well enough. 

Doesn’t this work just fine? Sure. But it’s not how you take things to the next level. It’s not how you infuse your writing with passion and true firsthand experience. 

As it turns out, there is something to be said for specializing. Not only can you demand higher rates for your work, but you become an authority in whatever niche it is you know most intimately.

Speaking of intimate niches, mine has turned out to be pretty easy to guess. Since most of my experience comes from working as an escort, I have a unique perspective on adult topics of all kinds.

For the longest time, I was pretty much convinced that since it doesn’t totally fit into any existing niches (like porn, for example) that are 100% legal, I was probably out of luck when it came to finding writing opportunities where this knowledge would be useful. 

So what did I do? I tried to create two separate identities. One as a writer. The other as an escort.

Big mistake. Not the right way to become who you were meant to be.

Keep Looking Until You Find It

daveyduke_0829v201As it turns out, there are opportunities to use both my writing skills and escorting experience all in one place. A while back, I started writing regularly for dating.com about many different topics related to escorting. Not only did I approach them with confidence, but I knew I had the right knowledge and the right words to write for their site.

I actually discovered it by pure accident, in fact. Like it was just meant to be. 

Now I’m getting offers to write for other sites in the same niche. Ones I didn’t even know about. Maybe there are more out there than I had previously thought. At the end of the day, my advice is to keep looking until you find the right opportunities for the person you really are.

Not who you are trying to be. Not who others want you to be. 

Instead of all that bull shit, become who you were meant to be. Be fearless. Don’t wait around for things to work out, find a way to make them work on your own terms.